They’re Watching What You Notice
Paternal Precept #004
Your attention is a signal.
They'll learn to look for flaws if you always point out what’s wrong.
If you stop to appreciate beauty, effort, or kindness, they’ll learn that those things matter.
You don’t have to fake positivity. You have to be intentional about what you let your kids see you value.
In The Danish Way of Parenting, authors Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sanahl call this reframing—shaping how kids interpret the world by showing them what’s worth focusing on.
“The language we use is extremely powerful. It is the frame through which we perceive and describe ourselves and our picture of the world,” they write. “All change involves a change in language. A problem is only a problem if it is referred to as a problem.”
One of my favorite children’s books, What Do You Do With a Problem?, expresses this idea in a kid-friendly way.
“When I got face-to-face with it, I discovered something,” the narrator says. “My problem wasn’t what I thought it was. I discovered it had something beautiful inside. My problem held an opportunity!”
If we constantly comment on their messes, flaws, and fumbles, they will learn that those are the things that matter.
If we instead use those moments to validate their efforts and teach them how to improve, we will also help them become more confident and resilient.
What you notice becomes their mirror. Choose your reflections wisely.
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